Family Settings

If all of us put hands on deck and toil the land, we are sure to have the little we eat. Even if we cannot rightly kick out poverty, but we won’t let it marry us.

Poverty has been part of us simply because we have held as truth the wrong ideas. And until we take drastic moves towards expelling wrong traditional practices, which are devoid of science, proper reasoning or logic, the circle of poverty will keep moving from one generation to another.

Ignorance, more than anything else is widely responsible for our current troubles. Imagine a brother, sister, aunty, uncle, cousin, grandpa and all sitting at home waiting for help from the one who has taken up the initiative to toil the land. Traditionally, he is obliged to support the others. But where did they draw this tradition from?
This is drawn purely from a tradition inherited from ancestors that were devoid of guidance. Islam and Christianity which are our main religions in this country speak against laziness and encourage hard word: “... I will show you my faith by my works.... For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also,”(James 2:18, 26). And Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “It is better for one of you to cut wood and carry it on his back, become self-sufficient and give charity, than asking another person who may or may not give him, for the upper hand is better than the lower hand, and start with those whom you support”. So, where has this tradition come from?

It is human and logical to help each other and especially family relatives. But this is not when they seat at home in the name of hasn’t got anything to do, while others toil the land day in and day out. Serious market women wake up as early as six A.M to go out in search of it, see Eastern Police in the morning, everyone is busy finding it, says Emmerson Bockarie. Why has this brother chosen to buy a hammock instead of a hoe?

If you accept this kind of deal and try to satisfy them even when you yourself is just trying to stand on your feet, none of you will end up succeeding. Banish the idea of being the manager of your dad’s family and concentrate on the one you have started or had intended starting.

If only we reverse the current trend and give birth to only what we can care for; have our children depend on us until they reach maturity and not the reverse (parents depending on their children even when they are still young), things will begin to be fine for future generations.

Like a state, when the political settings are not correct, the results are always not good. Similarly, when a family’s settings are wrong, the product of it is always bad.

Lay the foundation for your children to build upon. It is easier for a child with a foundation to prosper than one who met nothing to begin from. It is even worse for the other child who did not only meet anything to start from, but also has his parents and siblings’ weight to bear. No matter the salary the person receives, the unsolicited dependants make it impossible for him to live within his salary. Even ministers go the extra mile just to meet his extended family members’ needs. And most often, after all the effort to please, he ended up making more foes than friends.  If we want our society to run well, reduce corruption, we should start from the family. The family settings should be fixed well. The role of each family member should clearly be defined and explained for everyone to understand.

Irresponsible parenthood should be criminalized. Parents should give birth to only children that they can care for. Parents should support their children until they mature and can find for themselves. And when they (parents) are old and can no longer work, let their children return the complements (and that is for those unlucky parents who had not saved enough to adequately support themselves after they had retired). This is the correct order.

Siblings, find yours. Your brothers and sisters never brought you to this world nor are they oblige to you. You can only depend on them for support when things are hard. But not when things are hard as a result of your laziness.

The button line is: If all of us work hard in our little way and one man’s burden is not unjustly or unnecessarily put on another man’s shoulder, we shall not live on chronic poverty. At least, we will be able to get the basics that live needs. And above all, we shall all live happily with the little we earn – no back biting, bickering or blaming other family members for our woes.